


Hate To Love You

by missxavenger



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Injury, Minor Violence, Past Relationship(s), Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 14:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12390255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missxavenger/pseuds/missxavenger
Summary: After you and Bucky breakup you can't stand to be apart of the Avengers any longer, choosing instead to work for yourself. However when Steve asks for your help, telling you that there was no one else he could ask you agreed to one more mission.





	1. Chapter 1

“There isn’t anybody else?”  
“Sorry y/n, Wanda’s still in Sokovia and I couldn’t get Nat back on such short notice.”   
“It’s fine, not your fault Steve,” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “What time do we fly out?”   
“Zero six hundred tomorrow,” He replied, the sound of relief hanging in his voice. “Thanks for this y/n, I owe you.”   
“Yeah, yeah.”

I disconnected the call, feeling my shoulders slump as I leant back on the kitchen bench, already exhausted by the thought of tomorrow’s mission. It wasn’t so much the mission itself though, it would be nice to get back into doing what I’d trained for years to do, it would be nice seeing Steve again. However I was also one hundred percent sure that Bucky would also be assigned on the mission, hence why I had a blooming headache starting already.

It had been eight months since I’d last seen or spoken to him, eight months since we broke up in a fit of shouting, tears and thrown objects. It hadn’t been pleasant and as a result I’d walked straight out of the Avengers compound, fully intending to never ever go back. I had been determined back then to get out of that business completely, find an apartment in the city and go to a normal nine to five job like everybody else. However, once something was in your life it was hard to let it go, so I found myself doing odd freelancing jobs, sometimes even for Nick Fury if he asked.   
I wasn’t at all surprised that he’d passed my new number onto Steve, telling him that I would be more than happy to help him out if he needed.

Pushing myself off the bench I moved to the kitchen cabinet, pulling down a glass and the bottle of whiskey I kept for occasions such as these. Uncapping the lid I poured two fingers into the glass, swallowing them down in only two mouthfuls, the amber liquid burning as it went down my throat. I looked up at the clock as I poured out a little more alcohol. Only seven hours to take off.

-

The sound of my boots on the tarmac seemed to magnify in the quiet morning, the fog still hanging low to the ground and the sun only barely peeking out in the horizon. I took a deep breath and watched as it misted out in front of me in the frigid morning air.

“Y/n!”   
I spun around at the call of my name, my eyes landing on Steve, dressed up in his Captain America suit, the cap hanging off one of his wrists. He jogged the last feet between us, bringing me swiftly into his arms, lifting me up slightly off the ground.   
“It’s so good to see you!” I said with a genuine smile, having only just realized how much I actually missed him. “Eight months hasn’t changed you a bit.”   
He shrugged, releasing me from his grip and standing back, his eyes sweeping over my form.   
“It’s changed you though,” He chuckled. “You look good y/n.”   
“Thanks,” I murmured, feeling the blush creep over my cheeks.

We were pulled from our short reunion as someone cleared their throat behind us, my eyes landing on Bucky, his jaw tense and tight.   
“Mind if we move this along?” he glowered, his eyes barely sweeping over me as he turned his glare to Steve.   
Steve looked like he was about to reply but I cut him off before he had the chance, my hand landing on my hip as I glared back at the soldier.   
“Nice to know that hostility hasn’t left your personality James.”   
“You bring it out in me,” He spat back, lips set in a thin line.

Without another word he pushed past us both, making sure that his shoulder bumped mine as he passed, the nudge causing me to stumble slightly. I glared venomously at the back of his head, my hands balling into fists at my side. At this very second the only thing I wanted to do was pull the glock from where it was resting on my side and shoot a nice hole through that metal shoulder of his.

Steve squeezed my shoulder, probably guessing my train of thought, the expression on his face filled with guilt.   
“Sorry y/n,” He said. “I didn’t think he’d act quite like that.”   
“What exactly were you expecting? It’s not like we ended our relationship on the best of terms,” Steve grimaced and I suddenly felt shitty for taking it out on him; he wasn’t the one acting like a total dick. “Honestly, it’s fine Steve, this is after all a job and no matter how we feel towards each other we might as well be professional about it.”

-

Professional was definitely not how this was going. Actually it was anything but with the amount of fighting and cursing that was happening; the war we were having over the intercom on par with the men we were currently fighting against. I’d only just managed to put a bullet in one of their heads when Bucky’s snide voice came back through, causing my cheeks to flush with anger.   
“Bit out of practice there y/n/n? Can’t be helped I suppose when you let yourself go like you have.”   
“Cut it out Buck!” Steve yelled back, his voice tense and exhausted.

Ignoring him as best I could I continued fighting my way into the compound, grunting when someone slammed into my side, knocking me down onto the ground. I felt my gun skirt out of my hands, one of the man’s bony knees pressing down onto my stomach to limit my movements. He was big and I was having trouble knocking him off, the punches I was landing basically doing nothing. He was reaching for my throat when he was suddenly ripped off me, a painful gasp leaving my lips as I rolled over onto my side, coughing into the dirt.

Bucky stood over me, his eyes focused somewhere else.   
“Out of practice,” He said again. “Just like I told you.”   
“You know what!” I shouted, pushing myself back to my feet. “I am so fucking sick of you -”

There was a loud whistle in the air, a pop and then shooting pain through my stomach, my sentence left unfinished as black dots swam in front of my eyes. Bucky called my name, his voice suddenly muffled and very far away.   
“Shit,” I gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you and Bucky breakup you can’t stand to be apart of the Avengers any longer, choosing instead to work for yourself. However when Steve asks for your help, telling you that there was no one else he could ask you agreed to one more mission.

A shaky whine left my lips as I pressed one of my hands over my wound, pushing down hard enough that I felt the warm blood start seeping through the cracks in my fingers. My hand was already shaking and I could feel the pain radiating up along my side, making me feel dizzy and lightheaded. Bucky was in front of me, his arm around my waist, letting me lean all my weight against his side as he moved us out of the line of direct fire. He was talking to me but I was only catching every second or third word as I tried focusing on not passing out.

There was already an intense pounding against the side of my skull and my breathing had shallowed out at an alarming rate; Bucky’s concerned expression enough of an indication of how bad this might actually be. He helped me lean against the compound wall, crouching in front of me.

I hissed when he tried moving my hand away, his fingers brushing over the nasty hole the bullet had left in my skin. He growled in annoyance when I slapped away all of his attempts.  
“I need to get that bullet out,” He seethed angrily. “Unless of course you’d like to just bleed out here in the dirt.”  
“You know what lets - lets go with the second option,” I replied, my voice cracking on every word.  
“You’re a fucking smartass you know that right?”  
“So - so you keep reminding me.”

I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the rough exterior of the wall, the grip I had on my side faltering just enough for Bucky to push it away. He ripped open the bottom of my shirt and I winced as he probed around the wound, wiping away some of the excess blood.  
“This is gonna hurt.”  
“You think?” I replied, trying to take a deep breath. Bucky rolled his eyes, giving me a quick look before he pushed his fingers into the bullet wound. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”  
“As hard as it might be, do you think you could curse a little more quietly? There are still a whole bunch of men running around with guns trying to kill us.”  
“Fuck you Barnes.”  
“I’ll take that as a no then.”

It took a few more minutes but Bucky eventually yanked the bullet back out of my side, my eyes watering with unshed tears as I bit down hard on my bottom lip, trying not to punch him out of reflex. Bucky ripped a little more of my shirt, pressing the wad of fabric against the wound hard, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one was sneaking up behind us.  
“We gotta move,” He muttered, helping me back to my feet.  
“Just let me get my - my breath back and I’ll race you,” I quipped back. 

Bucky shot me a withering glare before wrapping his arm back around me, keeping his gun in his other hand while we hobbled away from our hiding place. I pressed myself against his side some more, a roll of pain shooting through me with every step, my vision faltering a little. I whimpered out his name just as I felt myself go slack, black dots swimming in front of my eyes.

-

When my eyes opened again it was dark, the only noise in the room was the steady beeping next to where I was lying. I rolled my head to the side, looking around the room to figure out where I was, the breath hitching in my throat as I realized it was the medical ward in the Avengers compound. I hadn’t been here since Bucky and I had broken up and truthfully I hadn’t thought I’d ever be back here.

I pushed myself into a sitting position, cursing when I felt the stretch of my stitches, my whole middle padded with a bandage. I ran my hand along the wrap, wincing at the tenderness as I tried recalling everything that had happened yester - was it yesterday?

I rubbed the heels of my hands along my eyes, my thoughts being broken by someone sitting on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under their weight. I looked up and saw Steve smiling at me softly, his hand moving forward to brush the hair away from my face.  
“You gave us all a good scare Doll,” He murmured quietly.  
“How long have I been out for?”  
“Three days,” Steve replied. “Didn’t look like you were going to pull through there for a while.”  
“Taken out by one lousy bullet,” I scoffed, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment.  
“Hey, that bullet nicked some pretty vital stuff,” Steve argued. “Would have taken anyone down.” 

I smiled back at him about to say something else when I heard someone shifting around from my other side. I looked around and noticed Bucky sleeping in the chair by the bed, his head lolling to one side, his lips parted as he breathed deeply. His arms crossed over his chest.  
It didn’t look like the most comfortable position to be sleeping in, Bucky looking cramped in the small chair.  
“He hasn’t moved since we got back,” Steve said, giving me a knowing look. “He was worried.”

I felt my chest tighten at his words, my eyes roaming back to look at Bucky, tracing over his features and how soft they looked while he was asleep. All the lines in his face from seeing more than a person ever should have to were gone.

His hair had partially fallen across his face, blending in with the thick scruff on his jaw bone.

“I didn’t think he’d even care that much,” I admitted quietly.  
“Give him some credit y/n, the both of you meant alot to each other once before.”  
“Yeah…”  
“I’ll let you get some more rest alright?”  
I nodded my head as Steve placed a kiss onto my cheek, the room falling back into silence after he closed the door behind him.

I lent back on the pillows, turning myself around to look at Bucky again, feeling a smile fall onto my lips when he shifted around, his fingers threading up into his hair as he stretched, eyes opening. He looked around, quickly getting out of his chair when he noticed I was awake.  
“How are you feeling?” He asked, hovering next to the bed, clearly not sure if he wants to sit or not.  
“Okay,” I answered, playing with the hem of the blanket.  
“That’s,” Bucky cleared his throat awkwardly. “That’s good.”  
“Thanks by the way, for you know…saving my life.”  
“Not that you made that particularly easy.”  
“No, I guess I didn’t.”

Bucky chuckled a little, the sound bringing my own laugh out.  
“But you’re welcome,” He continued. “I’m glad you’re okay.”  
“Why did you though?” I asked. “Why would you save my life if you hated me?”  
“Y/n/n…I’ve never, ever hated you, I just let you hate me.”  
“What?”  
“Look, the way we ended things was messy and we were both angry,” Bucky looked at me with pain in his eyes. “I figured that you needed to hate me for awhile.”  
“Bucky I don’t - I don’t want to hate you anymore…it’s fucking exhausting.”

“I’m okay with that,” He said, cupping my cheek with his flesh hand, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip.  
I lent into his touch, closing my eyes as he bent forward. His lips barely brushed mine but it was enough to feel like the hole that had been gnawing away inside of me for months had closed. The softness of his touch letting me know that maybe this was going to work out alright. After all we’d loved each once before.


End file.
